I've Got That Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy...

... down in my heart! Where? Down in my heart. Where?

DOWN IN MY HEART!!

This was one of my favorite songs as I was growing up in the Children's Choir at Sacred Heart Church in Groton, Connecticut. I remember singing it for the first time when I made my First Holy Communion in the second grade. I just thought it was such a lively, happy song... a song that truly made you feel happiness. I never imagined back then, that the song (or at least the words of it) would have such tremendous meaning to me so many years later. 

Recently, as I've had to deal with so many different trials, specifically with my health, and I have begun to encounter a certain type of person. I suppose I've always known people like that but they just seem so much more visible to me lately. You know... They pat you on the shoulder, or send you a message hiding behind their Cloak of Christianity saying, "Oh I'm so sorry. I'll pray for you." only to find out later that their idea of praying is whispering behind your back later about how you don't really look sick at all so you must be exaggerating. Let me give you the bottom line first. I KNOW what I feel and am going through and GOD KNOWS what I feel and am going through and that is all that matters. It doesn't stop the sting of hateful words, but it does allow you to keep a level head and heart about how you are feeling.

Do I have days and moments that I cannot bare to get out of bed or leave my house? Yes. For the most part, however, each day I get up no matter how I'm feeling and I put on my happy face and get out to tackle the things I need to get done. I normally experience some type of pain and exhaustion while I am out, but know that I must do the things that need to be done. It's a daily choice. When you ask me how I'm doing and I don't give you a negative answer, that just means that as far as God and I are concerned, WE are ok with where I'm at. Then, when I get home, God and I share our thoughts (and a lot of my tears) and we move on to the next day.

This past Wednesday was one of those other days. I did not want to do anything. I was exhausted between all the recent medication changes and fighting so many fevers off and on and running the 4 children to and from their activities. Then came time for choir rehearsal. I did not want to go and really felt like I did not need to add something else to the day, but something kept nagging at me. I can't really describe it. I just had a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. So... far be it for me to ignore that feeling... and off I went to choir practice. 

I wasn't there for long before I realized it was God that was nagging me. Before we got into rehearsal, our choir director had announced to anyone that didn't know already that Mrs. Anne had been put in charge of our weekly devotionals before practice. (I just love Mrs. Anne, my fellow Alto/2nd Soprano who makes me pretty embroidered towels.) So she came up and said a few words about devotionals and then went into her's for the current week. It was about JOY. Not just joy but also the difference between happiness and joy.  Happiness comes from circumstantial things... JOY comes from the heart. With every word she spoke about joy, that nagging got stronger in the pit of my stomach. It was God saying, LISTEN. So I listened intently and  began to cry hoping that no one would notice. When she finished the reading and began to pray with us, I used that time to wipe away my tears in quiet Thanksgiving to the Lord for giving me exactly what I needed (Doesn't He always???!) and when she took her seat next to mine I hugged her and said, Thank You. I don't think she realizes just how God worked through her that night. 

God helped Mrs. Anne to remind me that what is important is that people feel the JOY that comes from my heart. I may dislike my circumstances, especially my health, but joy is not about physical well-being. Joy is about spiritual well-being. Joy is a way of life and a way of thinking and feeling and acting. JOY is what enables me to get out and do what needs to be done despite Satan trying to get in my way. I know God has filled my heart with this joy because He has got a bigger plan for my life than I could even imagine. It's then MY job to wake up each day, grab onto that joy with all my might and say, "Ok God... Where YOU lead, I will follow." If you've got JOY in your heart, don't waste it. If you don't, please know that I am praying for each and every one of you who is reading this blog. One day, when you are ready and open for it, you will find that joy from God too!

--Yours--Jessica--

James 1:2-4 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.