A Gift From God: Part 1

WOW did this blog start a different way! I just spent the last hour writing things I thought were from the spirit and realized I was being led more by human emotion rather than spiritual guidance. I also realized I had so many thoughts going at the same time, I was not doing any of it justice by rushing through them and not giving them my heart. So, I decided to do this in parts, as I feel so moved, and this first part is touching on what I just felt... Giving God your full heart. 

God has given each of us special gifts and what is so magnificent about our Lord is His awe-inspiring handiwork by making each of us so different, including those gifts.

I'm sure we've all had times in our lives where an occasion has presented itself in which we find it appropriate to present someone else with a present, or gift. Usually that occasion is marked as "special" by some kind of event whether that is a birthday, graduation, anniversary, wedding, or other. Depending on the person and/or situation, we tend to put more or less effort in our decision making of a gift. Now, I am not at ALL talking about monetary value with these gifts, I am speaking of the heart behind it. I mean let's be honest, if gift giving was about money, God would have made us all filthy rich!... AMEN?! If we are really close with a person or if an event is close to our hearts, we tend to put much more thought behind our gifts than if that were not the case. 

With all that in mind, remember that God created us. I don't, for one second, believe that when He creates a person, that God just passes gifts out randomly as if we are strangers lined up on a conveyor belt. I believe that just as God chooses to give each of us life, He gives each of us very special and personal gifts. There is nothing random about these gifts. These gifts are meant to bless your lives, bless the lives of others, and most importantly: guide you on your path to a full and glorious relationship with His son, Jesus Christ. (Hopefully, I will get the opportunity to write more on my thoughts about that later!) Think about it. With the complex nature of the universe, to me the mere thought that God would be careless or disorganized in his issuing of gifts is an absolutely ridiculous thought.

Now, with all that being said about God's gifts to us, think for a moment about how you are giving gifts or honor back to Him. As imperfect humans we cannot even begin to touch the perfection of our God, but there is definitely something to be said for putting your WHOLE heart behind our gifts back to Him. If we were to give a gift to the person we are closest to here on earth, I would venture to say that person would be much more moved by a meaningful gift, with thought and love behind it, in a box that is almost too small for the gift, with uneven wrapping paper. The effort and love you put behind that gift will leave them blind to any imperfect wrapping. If you chose a random gift that meant nothing to you or the other person, it doesn't matter what you wrap it in... it doesn't feel good when it's opened, especially since it's supposed to be coming from someone close to you. It can feel empty. 

Are you giving empty gifts to God in what others may see as beautiful wrapping paper? The funny thing about this, is that God sees the insides, the core, of your gifts without even having to unwrap it. God sees through your fancy wrapping paper. God wants gifts that are full of your heart. He wants gifts that are prayerful and thoughtful no matter how it looks to others. What happened to faith? If we put our trust and faith in Him and devote time, prayer and preparation to our gifts to Him, God will see your faith and those gifts will SHINE and be more beautiful than anything that was just thrown together with haste and human arrogance. Maybe not immediately, but eventually, these empty gifts you are presenting to the Creator of the universe, and presenting to others on behalf of Him, will leave you feeling spiritually empty yourself. 

"...For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." - 1 Samuel 16:7

**Edited to clarify my use of the word "gift". When I use this word I am referring to anything we GIVE to God whether that be prayer, sacrifice, or service.**

I've Got That Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy...

... down in my heart! Where? Down in my heart. Where?

DOWN IN MY HEART!!

This was one of my favorite songs as I was growing up in the Children's Choir at Sacred Heart Church in Groton, Connecticut. I remember singing it for the first time when I made my First Holy Communion in the second grade. I just thought it was such a lively, happy song... a song that truly made you feel happiness. I never imagined back then, that the song (or at least the words of it) would have such tremendous meaning to me so many years later. 

Recently, as I've had to deal with so many different trials, specifically with my health, and I have begun to encounter a certain type of person. I suppose I've always known people like that but they just seem so much more visible to me lately. You know... They pat you on the shoulder, or send you a message hiding behind their Cloak of Christianity saying, "Oh I'm so sorry. I'll pray for you." only to find out later that their idea of praying is whispering behind your back later about how you don't really look sick at all so you must be exaggerating. Let me give you the bottom line first. I KNOW what I feel and am going through and GOD KNOWS what I feel and am going through and that is all that matters. It doesn't stop the sting of hateful words, but it does allow you to keep a level head and heart about how you are feeling.

Do I have days and moments that I cannot bare to get out of bed or leave my house? Yes. For the most part, however, each day I get up no matter how I'm feeling and I put on my happy face and get out to tackle the things I need to get done. I normally experience some type of pain and exhaustion while I am out, but know that I must do the things that need to be done. It's a daily choice. When you ask me how I'm doing and I don't give you a negative answer, that just means that as far as God and I are concerned, WE are ok with where I'm at. Then, when I get home, God and I share our thoughts (and a lot of my tears) and we move on to the next day.

This past Wednesday was one of those other days. I did not want to do anything. I was exhausted between all the recent medication changes and fighting so many fevers off and on and running the 4 children to and from their activities. Then came time for choir rehearsal. I did not want to go and really felt like I did not need to add something else to the day, but something kept nagging at me. I can't really describe it. I just had a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. So... far be it for me to ignore that feeling... and off I went to choir practice. 

I wasn't there for long before I realized it was God that was nagging me. Before we got into rehearsal, our choir director had announced to anyone that didn't know already that Mrs. Anne had been put in charge of our weekly devotionals before practice. (I just love Mrs. Anne, my fellow Alto/2nd Soprano who makes me pretty embroidered towels.) So she came up and said a few words about devotionals and then went into her's for the current week. It was about JOY. Not just joy but also the difference between happiness and joy.  Happiness comes from circumstantial things... JOY comes from the heart. With every word she spoke about joy, that nagging got stronger in the pit of my stomach. It was God saying, LISTEN. So I listened intently and  began to cry hoping that no one would notice. When she finished the reading and began to pray with us, I used that time to wipe away my tears in quiet Thanksgiving to the Lord for giving me exactly what I needed (Doesn't He always???!) and when she took her seat next to mine I hugged her and said, Thank You. I don't think she realizes just how God worked through her that night. 

God helped Mrs. Anne to remind me that what is important is that people feel the JOY that comes from my heart. I may dislike my circumstances, especially my health, but joy is not about physical well-being. Joy is about spiritual well-being. Joy is a way of life and a way of thinking and feeling and acting. JOY is what enables me to get out and do what needs to be done despite Satan trying to get in my way. I know God has filled my heart with this joy because He has got a bigger plan for my life than I could even imagine. It's then MY job to wake up each day, grab onto that joy with all my might and say, "Ok God... Where YOU lead, I will follow." If you've got JOY in your heart, don't waste it. If you don't, please know that I am praying for each and every one of you who is reading this blog. One day, when you are ready and open for it, you will find that joy from God too!

--Yours--Jessica--

James 1:2-4 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

From Tooth Extraction to Muffins

Happy Tuesday!

I know the title of this blog probably got some really odd looks, but I promise by the end of this blog it will all make sense.

Last Wednesday I went in for scheduled surgery. It wasn't anything that would be a major thing for most people, but for me I cannot even begin to describe to you my feelings. I have bad teeth. There... I said it. Not that most people who have had an in person conversation with me haven't noticed, but it's just not something I talk about. It has been 31 years of mistakes and circumstances that have led them to become as bad as they got; some of those mistakes being my fault... some not. I'm not going to get into all those things here. Believe me, I do enough going over them in my own head! So, in recent months my Fibromyalgia was flaring up more than normal, and I had been fighting fevers and different infections. I read an article that basically broke down how your oral health has such a hold on the health of the rest of your body and I just knew it was time. 

I went to the dentist and then an oral surgeon because 2 of my teeth were badly broken and infected. There was no doubt in my mind that they needed to come out immediately just because I felt so awful. The surgery went amazing, probably THE best dental experience I've ever had. In the midst of my appointment, some issues with my jaw arose. My jaw has clicked and bothered me for years, gradually getting worse the more I sang, spoke, ate, etc, but I never did anything about it. Like I told the surgeon, when you don't have medical insurance, you don't go to the doctor unless you are on your death bed... you just don't. So the longer my jaw  has gone untreated and abused, the worse the pain has gotten. 

He said we would start off conservatively. I would try a muscle relaxer for thirty days and go on a no chew/soft food diet for 6 months. Um.... WHAT? As this came up before my surgery, I wondered if he didn't slip me the anesthesia already. To someone who grew up in an Italian family, no chew translates to no kind of appropriate life at all! HA! I could hear my grandparents now gasping up in heaven. I didn't have much time to process it before I was off in the land of Oz chasing Toto around with Dorothy. When I started really coming to in the car on the way home it hit me like a ton of bricks. NO CHEW????

I went home and prayed. I knew this was the time to really lean on God. I was in pain physically and emotionally. I know that might sound really silly to some of you, but you have no idea the kind of attachment, borderline addiction, I have to food. Ok... some of you know. 

This was the first time in a LONG time I heard the voice of God. Actually, I don't believe I've ever heard Him this loudly. I could actually imagine Him holding me in His arms. He said, "My child, you are ok. You are showered in my love and protection. For so long I have been telling you it's time to change. I have said to enjoy food, but not in that quantity. I have said to enjoy food, but focus on foods that come naturally from me. You have not listened to all the signs, the deteriorating health. Your body is a temple and you're destroying it. I have blessed you with a purpose, and that purpose must be fulfilled. It's time to change."

I got the message. I got the message loud and clear. Since my surgery, I have completely changed my eating. I am following what God and one of His servants (my surgeons) have told me to do. Now, I'm not perfect by any means at all. But I am making a HUGE change and effort and I believe God sees that. 

I realize I have written a lot and not even gotten to the muffins yet! HA! So one of the steps I have taken toward a healthier diet is that I have purchased a juicer. I am now a HUGE fan of juicing even after just a few days. I can see it now... I will be the proud owner of an "I HEART Juicing!" bumper sticker before you know it! However, this posed a huge problem for me. I am a couponer at heart and enjoy the thrill of saving money. When I first thought of juicing all I kept thinking about were all the parts of the fruit that were about to go in the trash. Luckily, the juicer I purchased (The Jack LaLanne Power Juicer... yes the one seen on TV) came with a wonderful cookbook that showed a ton of recipes in which you could use not only the juices, but the pulp! OH HAPPY DAY!

Some of the recipes that kept catching my eye were the muffin recipes. They intrigued me. Not just because they looked so yummy, but because I realized I had never made "from scratch" muffins in my life! I've doctored a few boxed mixes before, but never started with my own ingredients. So, I realized it was time to make my OWN muffins, and not just any muffins, but muffins that are healthy. I went to the store and bought my ingredients... not a boxed mix. I came home, juiced, doctored the recipe to my taste by even using my favorite fresh local honey, and made some amazing berry muffins. Let me rephrase that. I made some amazing HEALTHY muffins from SCRATCH. Now I can't really eat a whole muffin (Because I'm not chewing, remember?), but I did have a small bite that I could easily mash without chewing and they are really fantastic. And the biggest treat? I got to enjoy some awesome, fresh, blackberry/strawberry juice when I was finished.

This is just the beginning. It's amazing what God can do.

--Yours -- Jessica--